time flies when you're...having fun?

 One year ago today I returned home from the best four months of my life. I will forever remember my semester at the Jerusalem Center as a time that shaped me and helped me to become the person I am today. I've been reading through my Jerusalem journal all summer because I love seeing what I was doing one year ago each day. Today's entry broke my heart a little, but mostly it made me feel extremely grateful for the testimonies and friendships that I gained.

I literally met some of my very best friends last summer. Although our lives have moved on and we are in different places now; I still consider these girls (and Dwight) my very best friends. Even though we sometimes go a few weeks or even months without seeing each other- we can always seem to pick up right where we left off. I feel like we just understand each other.

While reading through my journal, one of the things I was most amazed about was how frequently I bore my testimony, especially during the last couple of weeks.

On August 7, 2012 I wrote:

"I've been to Bethlehem where Jesus Christ was born. I've been to Galilee where he chose to spend much of his life teaching and prophesying. and I have LIVED in Jerusalem where he lived, suffered for my sins, was arrested and condemned, and eventually died for me on Calvary."

I will never stop being grateful for my time in Jerusalem. I will never forget what I learned and how I felt. I am so grateful that I decided to keep a detailed journal; I will cherish those dramatic stories, memories, and most importantly testimonies of Jesus Christ for the rest of my life.

I've been home an entire year and have yet to go a single day without thinking about my summer in Jerusalem. I thank my Heavenly Father almost daily for that incredible opportunity.

On our very last Sabbath in Jerusalem, Sister Squires had us sing "This is the Christ." That song literally brings me to tears every time I hear it. Singing that song was a defining moment of my Jerusalem experience. An experience for which I will be forever grateful.


"I read His words, the words He prayed
While bearing sorrow in Gethsemane.
I feel his love, the price He paid.
How many drops of blood were spilled for me?
With Saints of old in joyful cry
I too can testify:
This is the Christ."

Small recap of my last day in Jerusalem:

Dome of the Rock with my groupies. You can't even see the whole building, but the people matter more. 

Thanking my Heavenly Father in Hebrew for my Jerusalem experience!

Don't make us go!

My beautiful roommates. 

My last sunset in my favorite city. 

Adopted grandparents for a summer

not a coincidence

About a month ago I wrote a draft for a blog post entitled "coincidence." It was about this boy that I had been crushing on for almost two months and one day he finally asked me out. I had been praying, wishing, dreaming, and hoping for that moment for months and it finally happened. So before we even went on the date, I wrote a blog post about how prayers are answered and life is great. Luckily I saved it in my drafts for a later day and guess what happened? We only went on one date. It was unfortunate that our personalities were such an awful match for each other because he's dang good looking and I thought that our future together was a sure thing. Life lesson learned: you can't plan a future (in your mind) with someone based solely on how attractive they are (because let me tell you...I've never seen a more handsome boy and that is all I have to say on the subject).  I've said here before that I know Provo is where I'm supposed to be this summer. A month ago I was 100% sure that it was so I could date said boy. 

I find it very interesting  how Heavenly Father goes about answering my prayers. Sometimes I expect giant answers that take over and all at once I'm supposed to know what to do. It almost never comes that way for me, but somehow I'm still surprised when revelation comes slowly and piece at a time. Especially when I'm not particularly looking for it. 

So finally the moment you've all been waiting for (all zero of you...this blog is for my sanity, not for you):

I'm applying for grad school. 

Now that I've got that out there, I'll tell my story. At the beginning of the summer I started slightly panicking because my major is Human Development. I don't think there is anything more "dead end" than that. I have never for one second regretted choosing that major. I absolutely love it, everything about it. I always kind of thought I would get married, have babies (develop humans...aka my major), and teach violin on the side (hence my music minor). But, I'm graduating in April and there is no husband, let alone boyfriend in sight. and you know what? That is fine with me! I'm a baby. Haven't even turned twenty-one yet. I'm not ready for no husband. I'm also not ready for a full-time boring job that probably wouldn't have anything to do with my major. For my media class last semester, I was required to participate in a research project and I fell in love with it. I loved the involvement with professors and just how apart of the School of Family Life I felt. My major is so perfect for me. I decided that research is something I could really see myself doing so I started considering grad school. But then finals came and I was stressed and I stopped thinking about it. I don't remember how or when the thought came back, but less than a month ago I started really thinking about it again. I looked up the application due dates and quickly came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready to apply in January 2014 (to begin Fall 2014) and would need to add a psychology minor and apply the following January to enter the program Fall 2015. So for about a week or two I was set on that. I was adding a psych minor and getting involved in as many research projects as possible. Then on Sunday, my friend and soon-to-be research mentor, Kevin was walking home from church at the same time as me. He is entering the MFHD program this fall so I asked his advice on what I needed to do. I quickly came to the conclusion that I could totally apply this winter, and in fact, I felt like I needed to. I met with the graduate secretary today and got a little bit of advice but for the most part, I will be spending a good amount of time studying for the GRE (Graduate Record Exam) so that I can apply for my Masters program in the winter. How terrifying/grown-up does that sound? 

Do you want to know the best part about this whole ordeal? I am happy! It's not that I haven't been happy before now, but I actually feel like I'm in the right place and doing the right thing and I'm so excited about it! I've definitely considered a lot of different paths I could take in the next year or so. I've considered everything from serving a mission to moving home and everything in between. Every time I thought I had come to a conclusion- I just felt weird about it. Nothing was making me feel excited and I was worried that I would end up serving a mission just because it was something good to do but not necessarily something that I wanted to do or felt like I should do. Thinking about a mission didn't excite me, it just made me nervous and I kind of hated the thought. Moving home wasn't sounding super great either, and working full-time was just so out of the question.  Graduate school feels good. It feels right. I feel like I've finally figured everything out and now I know with a surety that this was definitely a part of me staying in Provo for the summer. Now that I am taking the GRE so soon, I'm going to need time to study and prepare so that I can do my very best and get accepted into the Marriage Family & Human Development Masters Program. Freaky. Good thing I have loads of time on my hands. My four violin students just quit for the month of July, but don't you worry we'll be back on in August. 

So here's to grad school, a very unexpected answer to a lot of prayers, and most importantly... 

HAPPINESS!

"oh...that's okay."

Sometimes I love my job at the MTC bookstore. Other times, I hate it. and since I literally have no followers (on purpose)- this feels like the appropriate time to complain about a few things.

1. Carpool. I feel like a carpool mom when I go to work. I work with this crazy 8 months pregnant lady and she literally uses pregnancy as her excuse for everything. "Oh, I can't walk ten steps because I'm pregnant." At the beginning of the summer she asked me for a ride to work and we realized that we live pretty close. So I picked her up for a couple days and that was fine until it became expected. Then she had me drop her off on campus a couple times which was fine until it became routine. Now I'm straight up annoyed. We have to be at work at 7:35 and lets face it, I don't like mornings. I get to her house late everyday and then it still takes her like four minutes to get to the car. If I'm late, shouldn't she be right on time? She gets extra time with my lateness! One time she even asked if I could drive her husband somewhere. I didn't reply for a few hours and she eventually texted back and said never mind, thank goodness. Okay enough about her.

2. "oh that's okay..." Everyone thinks you have to have served a mission to work at the MTC. Not true. The missionaries always ask me where I served, and then when I tell them that I did not/will not serve they say..."oh that's okay..." Thanks for your approval. Maybe I'm just bitter about the fact that everyone in the universe seems to know exactly what they are supposed to be doing with their life and I'm just over here eating cake. 

Okay that's all. 

insane courage

I'm being a brave girl. and it's terrifying! I'm trusting, wishing, praying, hoping, and believing that it will all work out. Like I said before, I know with complete confidence that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be this summer. I am so lucky and blessed to be where I'm at. I have the best roommates ever. Katie, Steph, Ashley, and I are having a blast living together. I miss Alyssa everyday but am so proud of the amazing work she is doing in Russia. I get to wake up at the crack of dawn (that's probably my least favorite thing right now, but it makes me feel so productive!). I get to feel the spirit of the MTC every single day (and sometimes even see fun friends that are just beginning their mission adventures). I teach violin to the four most adorable kids which just makes me so happy. Working with kids is something that actually re-energizes me. It's like another confirmation that I chose the right major and that I'm pursuing the right things in my life. Surprisingly, I am beginning to love alone time. I get home from work around noon everyday but none of my roommates are home until at least five, sometimes later. I've never really been an alone time girl, but I'm thinking after this summer I'll be loving on my alone time a little bit more. I love that I am learning how to cook nice meals for myself and that I am learning what it's like to be the "mommy" of the apartment. I spend the most time at home, so if my roommates leave messes they start to bother me so I just end up cleaning everything. Yesterday that was really driving me crazy; today I realized that it's perfect practice for when I get to be a mommy. and I really love that I get to go outside for at least thirty minutes everyday and get some sun! I got sunburned on Monday and it feels so good to get some color and some much needed Vitamin D.

I'm learning bravery and it is so good for me. I'm doing things every single day that scare me. Whether that's venturing somewhere new all by myself or texting a cute boy first *true story, (now just ask me on a date mister) I'm learning! I'm being especially brave in that as of last night at midnight I have sworn off of sweets for the entire month. This includes candy, cakes, cookies, brownies, and sugar cereals. I realized last week that I have a serious addiction and I don't like how that feels. I am doing this to prove to myself that I have control over my body (although I am definitely praying for heavenly help). I've been off sugar for sixteen whole hours now and I'm feeling pretty good. I've only craved like once or twice today, but eating a little clementine was just enough to satisfy.  Ash and I decided that we can partake if it's on a date...so I just need to flirt it up with anyone and everyone (jk). 

A cute girl from my ward last semester calls this the twenty second rule. Starting now, this is my new motto. 

The twenty second rule:

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” 

and on a completely unrelated note, I was in this BEAUTIFUL country a year ago this week. Oh my heart.

Cruising the Bosphorus with Dwight and Dev

our once chance at Egypt!

the besties

this was literally exactly a year ago from right about now

this picture doesn't capture how epic this dance party was. 

a year ago tomorrow. The most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. 

classic scripture photo at Ephesus

roomies at Ephesus

Nicaea

outside Hagia Sophia!

tears. I cried real tears upon entering this beautiful building.  

I'm beginning to wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting for summer 2012. 

My Best Friend's Wedding

My Best Friend is married!

SJ and I at the wedding dinner

this is perfection

best friends forever

She looked beautiful.


 I'm pretty sure the best word to describe this weekend is bittersweet. I have never seen Sarah so happy. At the wedding dinner, she and Matt got up and said a little bit about each other and it was just so obvious that they are so in love. Matt is great and makes Sarah so happy and that is the only thing a best friend could ever ask for! Lots and lots of very happy tears were shed. At the same time, my best friend is married! I had a serious realization this weekend. This means that she's leaving me behind! I know that isn't really true, but it feels that way sometimes. So a few sad tears were shed too (although less often than the happy tears). Just bittersweet.

new beginnings

I am taking a giant leap of faith this summer. After an incredible experience last summer in Jerusalem, I don't know how 2013 will ever compare. Although it has been a serious reality check that I am actually staying in Provo this summer and not living the dream in Jerusalem--I've never before felt so strongly that I am exactly where my Heavenly Father wants me to be. As winter semester wrapped up and I realized that I need to figure out what my summer plans were, I started applying for job after job. I quit my job as teaching assistant because I knew that I would eventually fall back on it instead of searching diligently for something new. I cried after I quit that job. Not only has it been easy and fun, but I have met people and professors that have literally changed my life. So after my dramatic exit from the School of Family Life office, I turned in dozens of applications and had a lot of interviews in other places. Each time I was pleased with how the interview went and was told that I would receive a call in about a week--even if the answer was no. Nobody ever called. Applying for the MTC bookstore was nothing different. I sent in my application, set up and interview time, attended my interview, was told that I did a fantastic job and that they would call me in a week. I wasn't expecting a phone call. I realized weeks earlier that when people say they will call...they don't. About twenty minutes after my interview I received a phone call from the MTC bookstore offering me the job. I couldn't say no. Working at the MTC is no dream job. I have to wake up at 6:45 every morning and I am no morning person. Just ask my brother. I don't love my co-workers, and rarely do I feel excited about going to work. But I do know with absolute surety that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I've never felt this way before. Heavenly Father surely has a plan for me and for once in my life I feel like I am doing what He wants, even if it isn't what I want.

I don't feel like I'm living my "dream life" right now. But does anybody feel that way, ever? (Except for the time I lived in the most beautiful building on the other side of the world with 78 of my best friends...that was dream life). Some days it's all I can do is get up, get ready, and try to go about my business with a smile on my face. Other days I'm happy, and I mean really happy. I think it really just comes down to perspective and having a good attitude. I can choose to be down because things aren't going the way I would like them to, or; I can choose to live my life with a smile on my face and with faith in my Heavenly Father. I choose faith. I choose to happiness. I choose to align my will with my Heavenly Father's will and trust that He has a plan. I choose to have faith that His plan is better than anything I have come up with (although my carefully thought out plan seems pretty good to me...).

This summer is going to be fabulous, I know it. But I have to make it fabulous. So here is to a new beginning, a new semester (for some, not me!), new friends, new experiences, and a new attitude about life!

To learn more about what I believe. 

My beautiful friend Caitlin (Sister Hibbert) and I. THIS is why my job is great!