not a coincidence

About a month ago I wrote a draft for a blog post entitled "coincidence." It was about this boy that I had been crushing on for almost two months and one day he finally asked me out. I had been praying, wishing, dreaming, and hoping for that moment for months and it finally happened. So before we even went on the date, I wrote a blog post about how prayers are answered and life is great. Luckily I saved it in my drafts for a later day and guess what happened? We only went on one date. It was unfortunate that our personalities were such an awful match for each other because he's dang good looking and I thought that our future together was a sure thing. Life lesson learned: you can't plan a future (in your mind) with someone based solely on how attractive they are (because let me tell you...I've never seen a more handsome boy and that is all I have to say on the subject).  I've said here before that I know Provo is where I'm supposed to be this summer. A month ago I was 100% sure that it was so I could date said boy. 

I find it very interesting  how Heavenly Father goes about answering my prayers. Sometimes I expect giant answers that take over and all at once I'm supposed to know what to do. It almost never comes that way for me, but somehow I'm still surprised when revelation comes slowly and piece at a time. Especially when I'm not particularly looking for it. 

So finally the moment you've all been waiting for (all zero of you...this blog is for my sanity, not for you):

I'm applying for grad school. 

Now that I've got that out there, I'll tell my story. At the beginning of the summer I started slightly panicking because my major is Human Development. I don't think there is anything more "dead end" than that. I have never for one second regretted choosing that major. I absolutely love it, everything about it. I always kind of thought I would get married, have babies (develop humans...aka my major), and teach violin on the side (hence my music minor). But, I'm graduating in April and there is no husband, let alone boyfriend in sight. and you know what? That is fine with me! I'm a baby. Haven't even turned twenty-one yet. I'm not ready for no husband. I'm also not ready for a full-time boring job that probably wouldn't have anything to do with my major. For my media class last semester, I was required to participate in a research project and I fell in love with it. I loved the involvement with professors and just how apart of the School of Family Life I felt. My major is so perfect for me. I decided that research is something I could really see myself doing so I started considering grad school. But then finals came and I was stressed and I stopped thinking about it. I don't remember how or when the thought came back, but less than a month ago I started really thinking about it again. I looked up the application due dates and quickly came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready to apply in January 2014 (to begin Fall 2014) and would need to add a psychology minor and apply the following January to enter the program Fall 2015. So for about a week or two I was set on that. I was adding a psych minor and getting involved in as many research projects as possible. Then on Sunday, my friend and soon-to-be research mentor, Kevin was walking home from church at the same time as me. He is entering the MFHD program this fall so I asked his advice on what I needed to do. I quickly came to the conclusion that I could totally apply this winter, and in fact, I felt like I needed to. I met with the graduate secretary today and got a little bit of advice but for the most part, I will be spending a good amount of time studying for the GRE (Graduate Record Exam) so that I can apply for my Masters program in the winter. How terrifying/grown-up does that sound? 

Do you want to know the best part about this whole ordeal? I am happy! It's not that I haven't been happy before now, but I actually feel like I'm in the right place and doing the right thing and I'm so excited about it! I've definitely considered a lot of different paths I could take in the next year or so. I've considered everything from serving a mission to moving home and everything in between. Every time I thought I had come to a conclusion- I just felt weird about it. Nothing was making me feel excited and I was worried that I would end up serving a mission just because it was something good to do but not necessarily something that I wanted to do or felt like I should do. Thinking about a mission didn't excite me, it just made me nervous and I kind of hated the thought. Moving home wasn't sounding super great either, and working full-time was just so out of the question.  Graduate school feels good. It feels right. I feel like I've finally figured everything out and now I know with a surety that this was definitely a part of me staying in Provo for the summer. Now that I am taking the GRE so soon, I'm going to need time to study and prepare so that I can do my very best and get accepted into the Marriage Family & Human Development Masters Program. Freaky. Good thing I have loads of time on my hands. My four violin students just quit for the month of July, but don't you worry we'll be back on in August. 

So here's to grad school, a very unexpected answer to a lot of prayers, and most importantly... 

HAPPINESS!

"oh...that's okay."

Sometimes I love my job at the MTC bookstore. Other times, I hate it. and since I literally have no followers (on purpose)- this feels like the appropriate time to complain about a few things.

1. Carpool. I feel like a carpool mom when I go to work. I work with this crazy 8 months pregnant lady and she literally uses pregnancy as her excuse for everything. "Oh, I can't walk ten steps because I'm pregnant." At the beginning of the summer she asked me for a ride to work and we realized that we live pretty close. So I picked her up for a couple days and that was fine until it became expected. Then she had me drop her off on campus a couple times which was fine until it became routine. Now I'm straight up annoyed. We have to be at work at 7:35 and lets face it, I don't like mornings. I get to her house late everyday and then it still takes her like four minutes to get to the car. If I'm late, shouldn't she be right on time? She gets extra time with my lateness! One time she even asked if I could drive her husband somewhere. I didn't reply for a few hours and she eventually texted back and said never mind, thank goodness. Okay enough about her.

2. "oh that's okay..." Everyone thinks you have to have served a mission to work at the MTC. Not true. The missionaries always ask me where I served, and then when I tell them that I did not/will not serve they say..."oh that's okay..." Thanks for your approval. Maybe I'm just bitter about the fact that everyone in the universe seems to know exactly what they are supposed to be doing with their life and I'm just over here eating cake. 

Okay that's all.