insane courage

I'm being a brave girl. and it's terrifying! I'm trusting, wishing, praying, hoping, and believing that it will all work out. Like I said before, I know with complete confidence that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be this summer. I am so lucky and blessed to be where I'm at. I have the best roommates ever. Katie, Steph, Ashley, and I are having a blast living together. I miss Alyssa everyday but am so proud of the amazing work she is doing in Russia. I get to wake up at the crack of dawn (that's probably my least favorite thing right now, but it makes me feel so productive!). I get to feel the spirit of the MTC every single day (and sometimes even see fun friends that are just beginning their mission adventures). I teach violin to the four most adorable kids which just makes me so happy. Working with kids is something that actually re-energizes me. It's like another confirmation that I chose the right major and that I'm pursuing the right things in my life. Surprisingly, I am beginning to love alone time. I get home from work around noon everyday but none of my roommates are home until at least five, sometimes later. I've never really been an alone time girl, but I'm thinking after this summer I'll be loving on my alone time a little bit more. I love that I am learning how to cook nice meals for myself and that I am learning what it's like to be the "mommy" of the apartment. I spend the most time at home, so if my roommates leave messes they start to bother me so I just end up cleaning everything. Yesterday that was really driving me crazy; today I realized that it's perfect practice for when I get to be a mommy. and I really love that I get to go outside for at least thirty minutes everyday and get some sun! I got sunburned on Monday and it feels so good to get some color and some much needed Vitamin D.

I'm learning bravery and it is so good for me. I'm doing things every single day that scare me. Whether that's venturing somewhere new all by myself or texting a cute boy first *true story, (now just ask me on a date mister) I'm learning! I'm being especially brave in that as of last night at midnight I have sworn off of sweets for the entire month. This includes candy, cakes, cookies, brownies, and sugar cereals. I realized last week that I have a serious addiction and I don't like how that feels. I am doing this to prove to myself that I have control over my body (although I am definitely praying for heavenly help). I've been off sugar for sixteen whole hours now and I'm feeling pretty good. I've only craved like once or twice today, but eating a little clementine was just enough to satisfy.  Ash and I decided that we can partake if it's on a date...so I just need to flirt it up with anyone and everyone (jk). 

A cute girl from my ward last semester calls this the twenty second rule. Starting now, this is my new motto. 

The twenty second rule:

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” 

and on a completely unrelated note, I was in this BEAUTIFUL country a year ago this week. Oh my heart.

Cruising the Bosphorus with Dwight and Dev

our once chance at Egypt!

the besties

this was literally exactly a year ago from right about now

this picture doesn't capture how epic this dance party was. 

a year ago tomorrow. The most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. 

classic scripture photo at Ephesus

roomies at Ephesus

Nicaea

outside Hagia Sophia!

tears. I cried real tears upon entering this beautiful building.  

I'm beginning to wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting for summer 2012. 

My Best Friend's Wedding

My Best Friend is married!

SJ and I at the wedding dinner

this is perfection

best friends forever

She looked beautiful.


 I'm pretty sure the best word to describe this weekend is bittersweet. I have never seen Sarah so happy. At the wedding dinner, she and Matt got up and said a little bit about each other and it was just so obvious that they are so in love. Matt is great and makes Sarah so happy and that is the only thing a best friend could ever ask for! Lots and lots of very happy tears were shed. At the same time, my best friend is married! I had a serious realization this weekend. This means that she's leaving me behind! I know that isn't really true, but it feels that way sometimes. So a few sad tears were shed too (although less often than the happy tears). Just bittersweet.

new beginnings

I am taking a giant leap of faith this summer. After an incredible experience last summer in Jerusalem, I don't know how 2013 will ever compare. Although it has been a serious reality check that I am actually staying in Provo this summer and not living the dream in Jerusalem--I've never before felt so strongly that I am exactly where my Heavenly Father wants me to be. As winter semester wrapped up and I realized that I need to figure out what my summer plans were, I started applying for job after job. I quit my job as teaching assistant because I knew that I would eventually fall back on it instead of searching diligently for something new. I cried after I quit that job. Not only has it been easy and fun, but I have met people and professors that have literally changed my life. So after my dramatic exit from the School of Family Life office, I turned in dozens of applications and had a lot of interviews in other places. Each time I was pleased with how the interview went and was told that I would receive a call in about a week--even if the answer was no. Nobody ever called. Applying for the MTC bookstore was nothing different. I sent in my application, set up and interview time, attended my interview, was told that I did a fantastic job and that they would call me in a week. I wasn't expecting a phone call. I realized weeks earlier that when people say they will call...they don't. About twenty minutes after my interview I received a phone call from the MTC bookstore offering me the job. I couldn't say no. Working at the MTC is no dream job. I have to wake up at 6:45 every morning and I am no morning person. Just ask my brother. I don't love my co-workers, and rarely do I feel excited about going to work. But I do know with absolute surety that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I've never felt this way before. Heavenly Father surely has a plan for me and for once in my life I feel like I am doing what He wants, even if it isn't what I want.

I don't feel like I'm living my "dream life" right now. But does anybody feel that way, ever? (Except for the time I lived in the most beautiful building on the other side of the world with 78 of my best friends...that was dream life). Some days it's all I can do is get up, get ready, and try to go about my business with a smile on my face. Other days I'm happy, and I mean really happy. I think it really just comes down to perspective and having a good attitude. I can choose to be down because things aren't going the way I would like them to, or; I can choose to live my life with a smile on my face and with faith in my Heavenly Father. I choose faith. I choose to happiness. I choose to align my will with my Heavenly Father's will and trust that He has a plan. I choose to have faith that His plan is better than anything I have come up with (although my carefully thought out plan seems pretty good to me...).

This summer is going to be fabulous, I know it. But I have to make it fabulous. So here is to a new beginning, a new semester (for some, not me!), new friends, new experiences, and a new attitude about life!

To learn more about what I believe. 

My beautiful friend Caitlin (Sister Hibbert) and I. THIS is why my job is great!